Siblings

I got to spend a whole day with my amazing siblings! Now that the apartments getting settled in and livable they came over to spend the night:D We had so much fun. First we took Ellie to dog beach. I love it there. The dogs are so hilarious! Then we came back to the apt where we rolled out the pizza dough and made personal pizzas. After the pizzas we made some chewy, fudgy, delicious brownies and put ice cream over them. Then the night was finished of with a few episodes of Hannah Montana. The next morning we made chocolate chip pancakes.. my favorite. Madison was so funny. For some reason she can not walk without stomping... which I'm sure our down stairs neighbors enjoyed. I had to keep reminding her to watch her feet. By the next morning she had heard it so many times she finally responded with "Heather, I'm not used to living in a hotel!" Hahaha she calls it a hotel. Love it!

A little late..

I have an amazing Grandpa. He is so much fun and we are so much alike in so many quirky ways. We both have an unhealthy passion for all things Disney. My Grandpa took me to my first hardcore rock concert.. I believe the name of the concert was Bloodfeast. He wears awesome jeans and know awesome things. I think I inherited my love for photography from him. After my Grandma died we went through tons of pictures and in so many of them my Grandpa was found in the background meddling with the camera. Fast foward about 35 years and it's the same scenario. Family gatherings, BBQ's, graduations... there's Grandpa, in the background meddling with his camera. We have started going on photography adventures together and these are some of the shots from our first adventure. We went another adventure last week. I'm going to try and get those pictures up tomorrow but in the meantime here are the ones from last time. We had so much fun meeting and chatting with all the lovely people of OB

This woman was F-I-E-R-C-E. Fierce.
She was ripping the head off her fish and de-boning them all by hand!
She loved the camera attention;)

This bird wouldn't leave the fierce woman's side. He was enjoying the freshest sushi in town!
(Note the fish blood on his beak. Ew.)

Anyone that knows me well enough knows my love for old people.
I love them. I think they are the cutest, sweetest people on earth.
This man was walking the street picking up all the bits of trash.
So sweet.

This guy had some amazing art ideas.

This guy rocks.I love the rose on his handlebars and his bright yellow flag!

We are having so much fun on our photo adventures. Brett joined us on the last one. It was an amazing day and I can't wait to get the pics up!

"I have a pot!"

She has a pot! And she declared it loudly to us over a bean and cheese burrito...

She lost her 2 bottom teeth. One has grown in quite a bit and the other has left quite a gap...
Thus forming the shape of her "pot".
I thought it was genius! How did she even notice that?
hahaha.. she kills me.

My Dream

Yesterday was my grandma's memorial. The night before, I had a dream.

In my dream I was in a room with family and friends. I was in the corner by myself just watching everyone and absorbing it all in. As I scanned the room and the people my eyes fell upon my grandma. She was so peaceful and even more beautiful. Just standing by herself a few feet away from some family members that were deep in conversation. She herself was scanning the room as well, just absorbing it all in. I only stared in disbelief for a few moments before her stare settled on me. I could do nothing but go to her. Our eyes were locked and it was if I floated to her. No one else in the room noticed or even seemed to exist. We just stared for a few moments. Her face was radiant, she was quiet, she was smiling, her spirit was so peaceful and content; unlike anyone I've ever seen. We embraced and neither of us let go for what seemed like an eternity. It was as if I was being embraced and clothed in eternity itself. The only question I asked her was "what's it like?". She didn't answer, all she did was look in my eyes and smile bigger. Her smile and joy that was flowing from her warm arms through my body was enough of an answer. We held tightly one last time before we let go and she left.

I woke up with so much joy and excitement for the day. The memorial was beautiful and perfect. It was exactly what she would've wanted. The whole day was centered around and glorifying to her perfect and loving savior. I think God gave me my dream last night as a gift... A warm, beautiful, comforting, encouraging gift. I'm so thankful for her life and I'm so thankful that she's safe in His arms for all eternity.

Below are the videos I put together for her memorial:


I Will Rise from Heather Ozuna on Vimeo.


Wish You Were Here from Heather Ozuna on Vimeo.

Socks

Brett pointed something out about me today that I've never really thought twice about...
My family is loud, obnoxious, messy, and quirky! Realllly quirky. That's why I love them so much!
But.. as Brett and I were leaving to go hang out with some friends I told him that I just needed to get some socks and put my shoes on. He thought I would head to my room but instead I grabbed "the basket" and started digging.

In my house we have a community sock basket. With 6 people (3 of whom all wear the same sock size and style) its impossible to keep socks separated! So.. We have our basket. When someone needs socks they just head to the basket and find some matches!
I know some people that read this are probably mortified at the idea of sharing socks but what can I say.. I don't know anything different. It's just the way we do it around here and I love it!

It's little things like that that I'll miss...

Family Fun

Tony is on vacation this weekend so we decided to make the most of it! We got the snow clothes from the attic, threw them in the car, and headed to Laguna for a day of sledding. We had so much fun. My favorite pic of the day is of Peter coming down the mountain in perfect form! And Madison looked so cute all bundled up in snow clothes.. I couldn't help but to take a ton of pictures of her:)

She hates when I take her picture, so I have to sneak them in.
She caught me on this one.

Christmas

Christmas snuck up on me this year! With the engagement and being with my grandma so often I totally lost track of time. Last year I was done shopping the day after Thanksgiving.. This year, I started the core of my shopping on the 22nd and was up until 2 on Christmas eve wrapping. As hectic as it's been the past few days I'm so thankful I left shopping for the end. I get so excited about giving gifts to the ones I love but this year an extremely tight budget and a complete lack of time left me with a feeling of no "Christmas Cheer". It's so easy to become wrapped up in the "Christmas Cheer" and buried in boxes and bags of gifts. The past month has been filled with so many blessings. I have learned so much more about Jesus; His grace, His Power, His Mercy, His love, and His spirit. I have felt the powerful love and support that comes from his church body. The past few weeks with my Grandma gave me hours to spend really getting to know Him better. Although I didn't have much Christmas cheer this year by most standards, I feel like for the first time I spent Christmas completely consumed by Him... and that's what it's supposed to be all about right?! I'm so thankful for my Grandma and the wonderful gift she's given me this Christmas.

Grandma

This morning my Grandma went to be with Jesus.

The fight is over and she has won.
She is perfect, she is whole, she knows secret things, she is beautiful, she is with her mother, she is with her best friend, and she is in the presence of an all knowing and forever and deeply loving Savior.

Still He proves to be faithful, merciful, perfect, and awesome.
Even now I praise Him with everything I have.

I didn't know it then but this was my last moment with her.


This song has been like water to my soul.
It reminds me of how hard she fought and how perfect and real heaven is to her right this very moment.

If you can listen to the words.
or read the lyrics here

Grandma's Hands

*someone sent this to me today*

Grandma, some ninety plus years, sat feebly on the patio bench. She didn't move, just sat with her head down staring at her hands. When I sat down beside her she didn't acknowledge my presence and the longer I sat I wondered if she was OK.

Finally, not really wanting to disturb her but wanting to check on her at the same time, I asked her if she was OK. She raised her head and looked at me and smiled. 'Yes, I'm fine, thank you for asking,' she said in a clear voice strong. 'I didn't mean to disturb you, grandma, but you were just sitting here staring at your hands and I wanted to make sure you were OK,' I explained to her.

'Have you ever looked at your hands,' she asked. 'I mean really looked at your hands?' I slowly opened my hands and stared down at them. I turned them over, palms up and then palms down. No, I guess I had never really looked at my hands as I tried to figure out the point she was making.

Grandma smiled and related this story:

'Stop and think for a moment about the hands you have, how they have served you well throughout your years. These hands, though wrinkled shriveled and weak have been the tools I have used all my life to reach out and grab and embrace life. 'They braced and caught my fall when as a toddler I crashed upon the floor. They put food in my mouth and clothes on my back. As a child, my mother taught me to fold them in prayer.
They tied my shoes and pulled on my boots. They held my husband and wiped my tears when he went off to war. 'They have been dirty, scraped and raw, swollen and bent. They were uneasy and clumsy when I tried to hold my newborn son.
Decorated with my wedding band they showed the world that I was married and loved someone special. They wrote my letters to him and trembled and shook when I buried my parents and spouse. 'They have held my children and grandchildren, consoled neighbors, and shook in fists of anger when I didn't understand.
They have covered my face, combed my hair, and washed and cleansed the rest of my body. They have been sticky and wet, bent and broken,dried and raw. And to this day when not much of anything else of me works real well these hands hold me up, lay me down, and again continue to fold in prayer.
'These hands are the mark of where I've been and the ruggedness of life.But more importantly it will be these hands that God will reach out and take when he leads me home. And with my hands He will lift me to His side and there I will use these hands to touch the face of Christ.'

I will never look at my hands the same again. But I remember God reached out and took my grandma's hands and led her home. When my hands are hurt or sore or when I stroke the face of my children and husband I think of grandma. I know she has been stroked and caressed and held by the hands of God. I, too, want to touch the face of God and feel His hands upon my face.

Just like that...

Just hours ago someone died in the hospice room across the hall from my Grandma's room...
Just like that life on earth was over. Body and soul were separated.
What kind of life did they live? Who have they left behind? What were their last thoughts? Were they surrounded by family? Were they ever married? What was their wedding day like? How old were they? Did they have kids? Grandkids? What moments in history have they witnessed? What parts of the world had they seen?

God shows me so much while im here. His presence fills this room. Its as if I step into an oasis when I step through those doors. For the past weeks I've spent hours of everyday in prayer and worship with my grandma while her numbered days and broken body dwindle away. As terrible as this situation may seem to the world. Its been a sweet blessing and i cant help but be filled with his joy.

Thanksgiving.

I know this blog has been a place of romance and happiness lately but in my attempts to make this a place of authenticity I must write what's on my heart tonight.

From my journal...

9/27 Thanksgiving

Dear God,

Tonight I come to you with a tender, confused, and torn heart. I know you are holding her and I know your will will be done, but father why? Why the pain? Why the torture? Why must she suffer so long and hard before you take her home?

I want so badly for her to be with you. I want her to be perfect in you. Whole. I want your face to be revealed to her. I want her to know what it’s like to hold the creator of the universe’s hand and know that she’s perfect. I want this so bad. But tonight.. Tonight I am struggling. As she laid in my arms crying, trying to be ok with the news she’s been given in the past hours, I ask why? I know this is all part of your greater plan but help me to see the big picture. Her lungs have already been poisoned by cancer. She’s already endured weeks and months of torturous chemo. She’s done her share of suffering Father. And now we are told that there’s a five-inch tumor in her brain. I hate it. I hate that there’s something in there close to the size of my hand gripping and mangling away at everything left. It kills me to watch her fight it. It kills me that there’s nothing that I can do. I can see that she’s trying. I can see that she knows it’s got a hold on her. I see her struggling to get the words out but her brain just won’t let her mouth speak it. I could see the pain in her eyes when the nurse came in to quiz her and asked if she knew what day it is and she got it wrong. It breaks my heart to see her slip in and out of confusion. And all I can do Father is ask why?

I brought her some thanksgiving dinner tonight. I can tell she’s trying to be strong. While she was eating I told her how beautiful I thought she was, even in the hospital with no hair she was the most beautiful woman. I told her that I was honored to be told so often that I look like her and that we share the same name. I saw her eyes grow misty before she dropped her fork and started sobbing. Every wall and layer was peeled away and all I saw was her bleeding heart. I could do nothing but get in her hospital bed and hold her. As I rubbed her head I could not help but think about the tumor less than an inch away from my palm. I asked her if she heard from you today Father, she just shook her head no as tears rolled down her face. I told her that that was ok because you told me something to tell her. I grabbed my Bible and read her the verse I had been given earlier today. We talked some more and she asked questions about the engagement and just smiled at Brett. She told us how excited she was that she got to go home in the morning and that her sister was flying in. Conversation slowly faded away and we watched TV together while holding hands. It was like water to my soul when we would laugh together at the show. To hear her laugh.

I could tell she started to get tired and she asked if we could turn off the TV. We just looked at each other in silence and smiled and held hands for a few moments longer. I asked myself what I could possibly do to make this better. That’s when I was reminded. I was reminded that there is absolutely nothing I can do to make this all better. Only you can make this better. And even if your version of better is different than mine, it’s still you our gaze should be locked upon. I opened her Bible and read verses about peace and strength to her. Thank you Lord for showing me the verses to speak. I still don’t know my way around the Bible very well but I’m so thankful that you are bigger than I am. She laid with her eyes closed while I read and she nodded along and hummed in agreement. It was such a gift to see your Word working in someone’s heart right before my eyes. I could see you working in her heart and I could see on her face your peace washing over her. After reading her verses until she fell asleep I kissed her cheek and told her that I loved her. I told her that you were holding her in your arms tonight as she slept. She fell asleep with a smile on her face and your whispers in her ear tonight Father. Thank you.

I know you know this is breaking my heart. I don’t understand why but I’m trying to remember that you love her even more than I do. I know I can be forgetful of your love, strength, and the perfection of your will. I ask you how you could let this happen to her and I plead for you to have mercy on her family’s broken hearts…. But I know that you’ve already answered me. The answer is in your son.

Forgive me Lord for being so forgetful. Forgive me for losing hope for just a moment. I know you know my heart. You know this pain that I feel. You know it and you know it well because you had to let this happen to your son. You watched your innocent son be tortured and killed slowly… and you did it all to save me. You know Father. You know my heart. But without that tragedy the bigger painting would not be complete. Please hold my heart in your hands through this time Father. Help me to be comforted by the big picture even if I cannot see it. Help my heart so that I can be used by you to bring her happiness in the moments she has left Lord.

Today is thanksgiving. I am so thankful for you Father. Thank you for your mercy, thank you for your strength, thank you for your peace, your word, your love, and thank you for your son. Thank you for the cross. Thank you Father.

Even now I believe and praise you,

Heather

isn't she beautiful...

Strength

Strength.

Isn't she beautiful...

Soccer

I went and watched Madison's soccer game this morning.
That girl can run!!!
She was a beast. Seriously she dominated the field. It was hilarious.
I guess it's official.. I'm the only kid in this family that didn't get the athlete gene. Oh well.
I'll stick to participating in sports from behind the lens.

She had the whole team chasing her.

I could not stop laughing at this picture. They pushed her over.

Family

I get quiet on days like today..

My only comfort is the comfort in knowing that she's in His hands.

(still in heels of course)

I wish she knew how strong she is. I wish she realized how faithful He is. I hope she sees the blessings coming from this. I hope that she notices the transformation He's done in her life.

G

Today was her first college meet!! I was so proud of her!!!!

My feet are much happier here than on that track!

Genieva

This is a lot harder than I expected.
I've lived next door or in the same room with this girl for the past 18 years.. and today I helped move her in and decorate her dorm where she will live and laugh with someone that's not me.

Beach Day

She did not like that crab being next to her...

My parents are in San Francisco for the weekend and I'm in charge of the troops.
Today I surprised them with a beach day!